They say that with the milk come tears.
Baby was born 5 days ago. I roared her into the world in pain and water. At home. When we would usually be eating breakfast I birthed her and then everything changed.
There is no usual any more. There is no we anymore. Patrick and I. With so much to do in the care of ourselves and our family, words of love and encouragement are sent room to room by text message. Hannah and I. My girl, and her mama. I miss her with an ache that goes as deep as anything I've ever felt. And I've felt a lot of deep aches this week.
The baby is beautiful. Calm. Perfect, except for a lip tie that makes feeding her excruciating. A deep toe curling sear that really cannot be described. Or helped much.
The process of pregancy and birth can be described as a labrynth. A long winding journey through pregnancy into the tight dark spiral that is birth, and then an even longer, slower unwinding back out the other side. There are no dead ends, but there are blind turns and dark corners and so much trust that goes into taking the next step. The promise of a labrynth is that there is always a way through, we just have to keep walking the path.
Deep breath. One more step.
