full and empty

My due date was yesterday. Come and gone and nothing is different today except the feeling that I'm getting further away from something important. I keep catching myself looking out the window and checking for messages, as if somehow the baby is going to arrive that way. Except I'm not sure it's the baby I'm looking for. 

I am trusting her to come when she is ready, and my body knows what to do. I am uncomfortable and tired, but okay to wait for her. To wait with her. 

That, I think, it what I'm looking for. Someone to wait with me. My husband has an endless list of projects to complete and work to be done, and his own waiting to do. My daughter is three and doesn't know what waiting is. They are my heart and my world, but they cannot sit and wait with me. 

I have a list of people who could be holding this space with me. It is just as long as the list of people who aren't. And it's hard not to be a little broken hearted.